Funny Telephone Phrases

4/22/2019
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Here are some common phrases and sentences you can use when speaking on the telephone. The informal phrases are mostly for family and friends. The formal phrases are for business and official calls and for calls to important people. Caller unknown means the person answering the phone doesn't know who's calling. This mostly occurs when answering a call to a landline phone without caller ID or to a mobile phone or smartphone from a number that isn't listed in the phone's contacts.

Telephone Game Phrases for Adults. Telephone games are equally popular in adults in parties as well as for ice breaking activities. Some fun telephone game phrases for adults are. Two funny bunnies ate colored candies in two colored cans. The king sat on his throne.

Answering the phone (informal)

  • Hello. Matt here. (caller unknown)
  • Hi, Jody. How are you?
  • Hey, Justin. What's up?

Answering the phone (formal)

  • Hello? Serena speaking. (caller unknown)
  • John Sayles speaking. Who's calling, please? (caller unknown)
  • Doctor Martin's office. May I know who's calling, please? (caller unknown)
  • Thank you for calling Jeans Plus. Jody speaking.
  • Hello Maria. Nice to hear from you.
  • Hello Dr Jones. How can I help you?
  • City Library. Kim speaking. What can I do for you, Robert?

Introducing yourself

Far cry 3 torrent xbox 360 ita Far Cry 3 is set on a tropical Asian-Pacific archipelago called the Rook Islands. The game's protagonist is a young American man named Jason Brody who is.

  • Hey George. It's Lisa calling. (informal)
  • Hello, this is Julie Madison calling.
  • Hi. It's Angelina from the dentist's office here. (informal)
  • Hello Sayoko. This is Alan calling from Big Boyz Autobody.

Asking to speak with someone

  • Hi. Is Nina there? (informal)
  • Can you put Michael on? (informal)
  • Can I talk to Josef? Tell him Marilyn's calling. (informal)
  • May I speak to Mr. Green in the accounting department, please?
  • Good morning. Is Dr Martin available, please?

Connecting someone

  • Just a sec. I'll get him. (informal)
  • Hang on a moment. I'll see if she's in. (informal)
  • One moment please. I'll see if he's available.
  • Hold the line please. I'll put you through in a moment.
  • Please hold while I put you through to the manager's office.
  • All of our staff are busy at this time. Please hold for the next available person.

Making a request

  • Could you please repeat that?
  • Would you mind spelling that for me?
  • Could you speak up a little, please?
  • Can you speak a little slower, please. My English isn't very good, I'm afraid.
  • Could you let me know when she'll be in the office, please?
  • Would you mind calling back in an hour? I'm in a meeting just now.
  • Can you call again? I think we have a bad connection.
  • Please hold for just a minute. I have another call.
  • Please don't call this number again.

Taking a message

  • Can I take a message?
  • Would you like to leave a message?
  • Sammy's not in. I can tell him you called if you like. (informal)
  • No, that's okay. I'll call him later. (informal)
  • I'm sorry, but Lisa's not here at the moment. Can I take a message?
  • I'm afraid he's stepped out. Would you like to leave a message?
  • She's busy right now. Would you like her to return your call?
  • He's in a meeting at the moment. Can he call you back when he's free?
  • Fine. I'll let him know you called.
  • I'll make sure she gets your message.

Leaving a message

  • Can I leave a message?
  • Would you mind giving her a message?
  • Would it be possible to leave a message?
  • Could you tell her Jonathon called?
  • Could you ask him to call Paul when he gets in?
  • I don't think he has my number. Do you have a pen handy?
  • Thanks. It's James Brown and my number is 222 3456.

Confirming a message Download one piece batch sub indo.

  • Let me repeat that just to make sure. It's James Brown at 222 3456?
  • Was that 555 Charles Street, Apartment 66?
  • I'll make sure he gets the message.
  • It's Johnny, right? And you won't be at the club until midnight. (informal)
  • Okay, got it. I'll let him know. (informal)

Answering machine and voicemail phrases

  • Hey, Brad here. What's up? Let me know after the tone, OK? (informal)
  • Hi, this is Liz. I'm sorry I can't take your call right now, but if you leave a message after the tone I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
  • You've reached 222 6789. Please leave a message after the tone. Thank you.
  • Thank you for calling Dr. Mindin's office. Our hours are 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday. Please call back during these hours or leave a message after the tone. If this is an emergency, please call the hospital at 333 7896.
  • You have reached Steve James, your guide to Computer Technology. Unfortunately, I can't take your call right now, but if you leave me a message and include your name and telephone number, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. You can also contact me via email at computech@XYZ.com. Thank you for calling.

Leaving an answering machine or voicemail message

  • Hey Mikako. It's Yuka. Call me, OK? (informal)
  • Hello, this is Ricardo calling. Could you please return my call as soon as possible. My number is 334 5689. Thank you.
  • Hi Anderson. This is Marina from the doctor's office calling. I just wanted to let you know that you're due for a check-up this month. Please call us to make an appointment at your earliest convenience.

Ending a conversation

  • Well, I guess I'd better get going. Talk again soon, OK? (informal)
  • Thanks for calling. Bye for now.
  • I have to let you go now.
  • I have another call coming through. I'd better run.
  • I'm afraid that's my other line.
  • I'll talk to you again soon. Bye Jules.
Sometimes we have to spell something over the telephone like an address or a name. Native English speakers often use a special alphabet when they spell over the phone. For example, 'The postcode is B2V 3A8. That's B for Bravo, number 2, V for Victor, number 3, A for Alpha, number 8.'
I need a bunch of ways to answer my phone humorously, in the vein of 'Jack's Mortuary, U Stab 'em, We Slab 'em', etc. This is in response to someone at work who has challenged me. How many can you help me with?
posted by pjern to Grab Bag (49 answers total) 36 users marked this as a favorite
Frank's Taxidermy, you snuff 'em, we stuff 'em!
Joe's Cryogenics, you kill 'em, we chill 'em!
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:22 PM on October 26, 2010

A friend used to say 'Bill's Mortuary; you kill 'em, we chill 'em'. Much the same as yours though.
posted by twirlypen at 11:23 PM on October 26, 2010

Steve's Crematorium, you ghost 'em, we'll roast 'em.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:26 PM on October 26, 2010

Bill's Roadside Diner: you kill 'em, we grill 'em!
posted by heeeraldo at 11:26 PM on October 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

The next line for the 'you stab 'em, we slab 'em' one is:
Some go to Heaven, some go to Hellllll-o
posted by amyms at 11:27 PM on October 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

My uncle was found of this one:
[Insert your last name here]'s Mule Barn. Head ass speaking.
posted by amyms at 11:27 PM on October 26, 2010 [3 favorites]

Bob's Unusually Sourced Pig Feed Emporium, you chop 'em, we'll slop 'em.
Alex's Taxidermy World, You Snuff 'em, We'll Stuff'em.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:28 PM on October 26, 2010

Oh, and after you've assaulted your friend with an endless stream of these things and you're ready to end the joke, answer the phone by saying in a somber voice, 'Godfrey and Sons Funeral Home. How may we assist you in your time of need?'
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:31 PM on October 26, 2010

'Pinky's Porno Palace.. what's your pleasure?'
posted by mrmarley at 12:02 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

Betty's BDSM Boutique. All of our operators are tied up right now, leave a message you bad bad boy.
posted by jamaro at 12:37 AM on October 27, 2010 [6 favorites]

'Abortion clinic, you knock em up, we knock em down, no fetus can defeat us, we have a special on twins today, how may I help you?'
posted by nooneyouknow at 12:47 AM on October 27, 2010 [8 favorites]

If it's a cell phone: 'I told you never to call me here'
posted by MuffinMan at 12:47 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

'PJern's castle, what's your hassle?'
posted by samthemander at 12:54 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

'Hanger Abortions, you rape 'em we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us'
posted by motown missile at 1:12 AM on October 27, 2010

what fresh hell is this?
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:20 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

'Joe's Bra Shop: we fix flats.'
posted by TedW at 2:44 AM on October 27, 2010

Epicenter of the Universe, God Speaking..
posted by DreamerFi at 3:14 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

You've reached the worlds greatest psychic. Since I already know who you are and why you called, I'll, uh, talk to you later..
posted by Redhush at 3:53 AM on October 27, 2010 [2 favorites]

A simple, refreshing 'GHOSTBUSTERS WHADDAYA WANT?' can do wonders.
posted by infinitewindow at 4:40 AM on October 27, 2010 [3 favorites]

Bob's ambulance, you maul 'em we haul 'em.
Dr. Smith's fix it shop, you say it we spay it
Good morning, First Third Bank of the Firth of Forth.
Crockadollar Bank, We want your money.
posted by Kevin S at 4:58 AM on October 27, 2010

Telephone Catch Phrases

Randy's Radiators: a great place to take a leak.
posted by I'm Doing the Dishes at 5:15 AM on October 27, 2010

'House of Beauty, this is Cutie.'
'Fire Dept.: You light 'em, we fight 'em. We haven't lost a basement yet!'
'24-hour locksmith, you lock it, we pop it'
'Hello, Duffy's Tavern, where the elite meet to eat. Archie the manager speakin'. Duffy ain't here'
'Akbar and Jeff's Airport Snackbar, Where the elite meet to eat reheated meaty treats!'
'Sal's Ice Cream, where the elite meet to beat the heat!'
posted by sambosambo at 5:31 AM on October 27, 2010

I like to go with Ahoy-hoy, which was Alexander Graham Bell's favored method of answering his new invention.
posted by decathecting at 5:39 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

Not exactly what you were looking for, but I usually just say 'Dominos' when I want to be a dick when answering the phone.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:06 AM on October 27, 2010

My favorite is 'Hello Batman's House, uhhh I mean Wayne Manor'.
posted by blackjack514 at 6:15 AM on October 27, 2010 [8 favorites]

'Psychic Pizza. $14.83. About thirty minutes.'
posted by Netzapper at 6:19 AM on October 27, 2010 [7 favorites]

Roadkill Cafe: you kill 'em, we grill 'em.
[LastName] Pecan farm, which nut would you like to speak to?
[LastName] Pizza: Will this be takeout or delivery?
posted by TooFewShoes at 6:20 AM on October 27, 2010

My mom had this audio tape that was all about life affirmations and self esteem. The part about answering the phone was especially hilarious. The speaker suggested that to brighten people's day, instead of answering the phone with a standard greeting, he now says (and he did this on the tape in an extremely jovial, almost screaming, manner) : 'TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YA !!'
Like a leprechaun.
posted by odinsdream at 6:34 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

Dominoes Pizza, take out or delivery?
(don't answer, wait a minute, then call back) Who is this? (while munching a bag of cheetos works best)
posted by Ghidorah at 6:41 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

City zoo, rhino speaking.
posted by lemniskate at 6:44 AM on October 27, 2010 [2 favorites]

'Pjern's Steam Bath emporium, the Ritz of the Schvitz.. uh, you'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.'
posted by thusspakeparanoia at 6:53 AM on October 27, 2010

A word of warning: I once answered the phone with, 'Clancy's Mortuary: we carry out all we undertake'. It was one of my mother's employees calling to say she wouldn't be in because her mother died. To this day she laughs whenever she sees me.
Anyway, I went through a laundry list of these sorts of things when I was in high school until I settled on my favorite (though sadly anachronistic now): 'What city please?' That one stunned all callers. Even when I stopped and told my aunt it was me, she insisted she had the wrong number and would try again.
posted by yerfatma at 7:11 AM on October 27, 2010 [3 favorites]

Satan's Den, what in the Hell do you want?
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 7:38 AM on October 27, 2010

(If you have call display:) 'Hello, may I please speak to [caller's name]?' It temporarily throws some people. Fun when they say 'Hey, that's my line!'
posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:28 AM on October 27, 2010

'We're sorry. You've reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.'
posted by leapfrog at 8:57 AM on October 27, 2010 [7 favorites]

Answer with, 'Yeah, I'd like a large pepperoni, extra cheese..'
Or my favorite from college: 'Pediatrics.'
posted by dywypi at 9:02 AM on October 27, 2010

A guy I work with once answered the phone with 'Hello, you have reached the desk of [his name]. Unfortunately, I am available to take your call.'
posted by cottonswab at 9:48 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

'Urology department, can you hold please?'
posted by leapfrog at 9:51 AM on October 27, 2010

'Door to Door Dildo Delivery, no job too big or too small.'
posted by clavicle at 9:55 AM on October 27, 2010

'Hi, is $nameoncallerid there?'
posted by cmoj at 10:09 AM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

'Al's Pool Hall, We Rack 'Em, You Crack 'Em'.
Ah, college days..
posted by stellaluna at 10:17 AM on October 27, 2010

Scrooge McDuck always answered with 'Speak! It's your dime!'
posted by vorfeed at 10:28 AM on October 27, 2010

'FBI, [City] office. How may I.. Oh crap! *hang up*
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 10:33 AM on October 27, 2010

Hello, is this the party to whom I'm speaking ?
posted by Kevin S at 12:52 PM on October 27, 2010
Game
Velvet Touch Massage Parlor . . . We never rub you the wrong way.
posted by IvanKalinin at 7:59 PM on October 27, 2010

'You've reached Acme Industrial Dog Washers. Now offering bulk rates for sixty collies or more.'
posted by Iridic at 11:11 PM on October 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

Telephone Game Phrases Sentences

You fight 'em, we last rite 'em.
posted by h00py at 6:25 AM on October 28, 2010

DreamerFi and cmoj stole my first and second suggestions. I used to answer ringing payphones with the 'epicenter' one quite frequently. It was very off-putting to the caller.
You can take a tip from Steve Martin in L.A. Story:
'Hi, this is <name>. I'm here right now, so you can talk to me. Please start talking at the beep. *beep*'
If you can do that sing-song voice that the lady in Office Space pulls off so perfectly, go for:
'Corporate-accounts-payable-Nina speaking. Just a mo-ment!'
Similar to cmoj's suggestion, you can start talking as if you're in the middle of a conversation. Lots of options there:
'Absolutely not!'
'Yes, of course. Don't be ridiculous.'
'I don't know; what do you think?'
'I think so, Brain, but if we didn't have ears, we'd look like weasels.'
posted by ErWenn at 9:14 PM on October 28, 2010

A friend in college used to answer 'Vatican West, God bless you'
posted by Araucaria at 12:23 PM on January 6, 2011

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